People bristle at the suggestion that they think critically about their sexual preferences, clinging tightly to the old “the heart wants what it wants” narrative, hoping to be allowed to discriminate with impunity. If it were up to me, those people would fall victim to a lifelong fuck drought as the rest of us resolve to avoid their hegemonic genitals.
And:
. . .No matter what position I am in, I follow this cardinal rule: If someone needs to be in control, it should be the person getting fucked.
As they say, read the whole thing.
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In an enthusiastic consent situation, aren’t both parties being thoroughly fucked, ideally? Or am I misunderstanding the definition?
You mean, like, literally? I thought the notion of enthusiastic consent had more to do with attitudes than whether both parties are being penetrated.
I found the quote interesting because he’s saying that consent is qualitatively different when you’re the one being penetrated. That seems right to me. In the comments, he says:
“I made this rule because I found that putting someone else in control was hurting me, or that I would sometimes inadvertently hurt my partner, ending the sex, and making the night not as fun as it could have been. And I said that right up front: this is my rule. This is how I have sex.”
I’m having a hard time articulating why this seems revolutionary to me, but it does. For me, at least, the enthusiastic consent model does little to address the pressure I’ve sometimes felt to *fake* enthusiastic consent. Like, I already feel enough pressure to be nice and accommodating already. This rule seems to give permission to be really, actually assertive.
I spoke to a friend about it. I was under the impression that fucking was just engaging in intercourse, and that it had no connotations of being penetrated. I had thought that a woman could fuck a man just as easily as a man could fuck a woman. He told me I was using the word “fuck” in a non-standard way.
Well, you are right in a way. Maybe it only has connotations of being penetrated when it’s in the passive voice?