Archive for September, 2009


how could you possibly be unhappy? you have so many material possessions!

Last night’s episode of Mad Men has me thinking of how satisfying it would be to see Betty pull a Nora from A Doll’s House.   She is so incredibly miserable, far more so than she was in the first season.

Betty has undergone two dramatic changes so far, the first being her transformation from the pampered, pretty doll she plays in season 1 to the woman in season 2 who decides to stop maintaining the illusion that Don is faithful to her.  Kicking Don out of the house is the first adult action she performs, and she continues to gain strength and autonomy (albeit in strange ways) until her father’s stroke, which catapults her back into her child princess state.

And then, of course, her father’s illness leads to contact with Don, which leads to hate sex, which gets her pregnant, and then everything is shot to hell.  She had a chance to realize just how empty and suffocating her life was, but with this baby, she’s back to square one.

I think she could get angry enough to do something drastic, though.  She already knows that Don treats her and their children like appendages.  That’s why she made him furious when she asked if he wouldn’t sign the contract because “he didn’t know where he was going to be in three years.”  She’s no longer content to be treated like an accessory to Don’s important, mysterious life, and if Don doesn’t start taking her seriously, something’s going to snap. I hope.


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I do not want a baby

I used to think I would, after I’d done the requisite stuff one does in order to be a good parent*.  But the closer I get to baby making age (which is what? late 20s/early 30s for middle class people?), the less appealing it becomes.

And now, over the past year, my feelings on the subject have turned from disinterest to antipathy.  The idea of getting pregnant accidentally now, or even getting pregnant ten years into the future, seems like the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen to me.  I think part of this feeling must stem from how much my present life sucks.  I’m very poor; I’m far from being in a secure, loving relationship, and I have no idea where I will be next year, or in five years.  So, obviously, it would be nutty for me to want a kid.  Maybe years from now, when my life is better, I’ll want one and have one and it’ll be great.  Or maybe I’ll continue down my present path** and die childless, and that’ll be great, too.

*Having money and being married, I guess.  Although at this point marriage seems kind of awful, too.  I watch too much Mad Men.

**Minus the poverty, of course.

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