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Archive for the ‘Kitsch’ Category

Cottage (porn) industry

I saw this at the Thomas Kinkade Gallery at the mall today. I am sort of fascinated by his paintings. What makes them so wretched? As far as subject matter goes, they are exactly the same as the decorative printed plates that my great-grandparents hung in their dining room, but somehow Kinkade’s cottages manage to suck harder than anything you could buy at the Sear’s home sale in 1976.

Is it how moist and swampy everything looks? Like all his ponds are full of malarial mosquitos? Or is it the weird things he does with light–the unnatural shadows, and the windows that glow bright yellow even during the day?

And this painting, I mean, Jesus. Kinkade may be the only artist ever who successfully made the Sleeping Beauty castle look sinister. There’s the sunset in the background (note that ALL the street lamps are already on), the slick pavement. And those Mickey Mouse balloons in the upper right hand corner are, like, evil totems.

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